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When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!