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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.