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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium