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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I’m bored enough to clean.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`