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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over