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You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)