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Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Beauty is only a light switch away...
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I just ran a .003048K
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.