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I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
I believe in love at first episode.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?