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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
u cant spell awesome without me
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.