Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!