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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.