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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.