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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.