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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
´s status message is better than yours
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one