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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.