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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.