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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.