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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.