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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Save water- shower with me!
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.