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Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.