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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if Iām right
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......