Daily Silly Status

I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.

Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”

I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”

One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.

Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.

I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.

New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re

You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.

I know u r but what am I ?

I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.

Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”

I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.

have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."

There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.

Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.