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7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Lol at birds that walk places.
What if the weather talks about us?
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.