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A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.