Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.