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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.