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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.