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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?