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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.