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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.