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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.