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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.