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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart