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Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.