Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...