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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.