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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.