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[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?