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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.