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If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.