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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
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Iām not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"