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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.