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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.