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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.