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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.