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No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.