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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Condoms prevent minivans.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Can I get likes for no reason?