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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."