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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Being an American is awesome. The end.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like