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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
You are here: X
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.