Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist