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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending Iām not excited.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.