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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.