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In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I need new swear words.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...