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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.