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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.